The Paradox of Social Media

Why is it the more I use social media the more disconnected I feel?

I've read the articles, and I've bought into the premise despite my initial resistance. Social media supposedly allows you to keep in contact with those close to you despite the inconvenience of distance and time. No matter where you are or how far away you are from those you care about, you can remain in contact and stay close. Well I know I'm not the first one to say this, but I am joining the growing din of those who call bullshit.

I don't feel as close to my friends as I used to feel. Yes, I know, time, distance and changing responsibilities always affect life, but this is different. Social media claims to bridge those gaps, or at least it should according to those who worship at the alter of Facebook, Twitter, Get Glue and the many other avenues offered. In fact, despite these claims I feel further separated from society than ever. And increasingly it makes me sad.

Social media has made us egocentric and lazy. We post on these outlets our thoughts and jokes, ideas and commentary on modern life. If we were with those we care about, it would spawn at minimum laughs or groans, or at best commentary and interesting discussion. Now, if we're lucky it elicits nothing more than a few like comments. Don't get me wrong, I'm not shouting from my soapbox as some pure pilgrim. I'm not immune, I admit that. More often than not I've seen something from a friend and lazily hit the like button instead of joining into the fray or trying to engage them in meaningful conversation. I'm as much as fault for falling into the trap as anyone. If anything, I'm at the core of the problem I find so isolating. But laziness is but one part of the issue.

Social media brings our egos into play in new and disturbing plays. We place way too much stock in the response to our seemingly witty posts and commentary. If we don't get enough friends to like or comment on our posts, it seems as though we're not liked enough, or not good enough to amuse, entertain or interest our friends. This thought process has no correlation in the real world, since life moves so terribly fast now that people barely have time to even hit a like button let alone process a comment and craft a reply. Yet we tie imagined emotions into these posts, and it feels alienating when others we feel close to do not respond in a way we imagined.

Or worse, those same people we hold dear do not respond at all. I wonder sometimes if I am offending a friend if I do not respond to something they felt strongly enough about to comment upon or just hit the like button. Does this make them mad, angry, upset or sad? And by thinking this, what does that thought process say about me? How important do I feel I am or what position do I put myself into in the hierarchy of their lives that I should wonder if my sheer presence, or lack thereof, will affect their day? That entire thought process sounds like that of a maladjusted egomaniac. I don't want to feel that way. Why should I feel I'm so important that my snarky comments would make or break someone's day? And in that vein, how pathetic am I that someone else's comments, or lack thereof, could weigh so heavily enough to make or break my day?

That thought process itself has many regressing to levels equivalent to still emotionally maturing teenagers in junior high. After navigating childhood, grade school, adolescence, high school and the first fumbling, learning years of adulthood, we now find ourselves once again trapped in a world of who likes who the most and who is talking bad about someone, or who is freezing out someone because they said something bad. I had hoped we passed this behavior by long ago.

Worse still, it has made us lazy and negligent in actual communication. How often have you sat around and thought, I haven't called Joe in a while, I wonder how he's doing? Then just checked his latest posts to social media, caught up on the minutiae of his day to day life, and figured, oh, I got it, cool. No call, no personal communication, no growth.

I'm not sure how to change this, but I know I want off this merry go round. Thus far I am hesitant to give up my social media connections because at minimum I have some contact with friends and family far and wide, which allows me to at least be a tiny part of their lives, and them a part of mine, even if it's on the periphery of reality. And even better, it has allowed me to reconnect with family and friends I had long ago lost contact with. That has been a wonderful part of the social media experience and one I always think often.

But the experience no longer feels real, natural or satisfying. I don't want to become a person so desperate for outside validation for my stale sense of humor or lame commentary on modern life. Nor do I want to find out important milestones in the lives of my friends and family based upon what they feel is worthy enough to post. I want to create real relationships, friendships and meaningful conversation. But can we even go back to such a time now? Is it too late?

Perhaps I'm selfish, ego-maniacal or just sad and growing older with dwindling friends to relate to and no children to raise, which may raise more questions than answers, I'm not sure. Or maybe I'm just not as emotionally mature as I once thought I was and am not ready to handle this medium. Or even still, perhaps the technological world has now passed me by, and I am just becoming socially obsolete. None of these are easy questions with quick, pat answers.  But I know I no longer want to feel this way. I don't want to feel like I only matter when people have a few minutes between work assignments, or when they have a moment between household chores. And I no longer want to feel like I'm marginalizing my friends to fit into a few convenient moments of my time either. I want to give them the attention and focus they deserve if they have grown close enough to call me their friend.

I want friendships, relationships and meaningful, interesting conversation again. I no longer want a numerical tally I call a friend list or do I want to feel sad because I feel treasured relationships slipping away one You Tube link at a time. I believe I'm not the only one and hope that my phone will one day ring again with those who agree with me.  And once again I'll dust off my own telephone keypad to dial the phone numbers of those same friends and we can laugh and joke and reinforce the bonds of friendship we formed long ago, with the personal connection of hearing or even if lucky seeing each other. Of course if you are too busy, just hit the like button. I could use the hits to rise upward in today's trending topics.