The Best Rewatchable Cable Movies

It’s a lazy Saturday afternoon. You find yourself procrastinating on chores, not in the mood to read, and really not compelled to go out and adventure. So what do you do with yourself? Why not scan the cable channels for 2 hours of cinematic entertainment?

Cable regularly fills time by rerunning some of Hollywood’s greatest, and not so great, cinematic treasures. But how do you choose? Do you pick a classic film from the golden age of Hollywood? Perhaps you choose a stout drama full of Oscar worthy performances? Or maybe even a lighthearted comedy that looked whimsical when it first hit theaters? All good choices, but usually most of us just tune in something we’ve already seen a dozen times.

Why? Perhaps it’s the comfort of a movie we’ve already seen, or maybe even a story we connect with. But I believe it’s because it’s a good, cheesy fun flick that allows us to turn off the synaptic relays and revel in the fun.

So what defines a good rewatchable movie? What key elements go into 2 plus hours of edited for television fun? Luckily for you, the reader, I, the viewer, have logged more than a few lazy afternoons scrolling through the on screen guide looking for theatrical jackpots. I’ve determined a few key criteria and ranked the best of the most frequently replayed flicks to help you decide for the next time nothing but a movie will do.

A. – Cheese Factor:

How cheesy is this movie? Just like a good block of Gouda, the more the better. Do you find yourself howling at the improbability of the story or perhaps the action? Is the dialogue unintentionally hilarious? Is the casting all wrong? Bingo, you found a winner.

B. – Supporting Cast:

Ok, obviously we tune into these oft viewed theatrical pleasures because they usually are helmed by A list stars. But what about everyone else? Does it have one guy who just steals every scene by cracking everyone up? Does it have a saucy dame who draws the spotlight toward her? If so, it sounds like gold to me.

C. – Hey it’s that guy/gal!:

Think of the last movie you watched. There comes a scene and you see an actor come onto the screen. You’ve seen him or her in dozens of films, and it’s always a stellar performance but you can never remember their name. Yup, it’s that guy/gal! The film gets bonus points if that guy/gal turns out to be Michael Biehn.

D. - Quotable:

This one is rather self explanatory. Do you lay the lines on your friends when you’re busting each others chops, even though the movie could be 15 years old or more? When you quote a line do random people respond with the next line? Then it’s quotable. Think any golfer on the links and Caddyshack. That’s your quotability factor.

E. - That’s so old!

This sounds like an insult, but it’s actually an ultra compliment. We’re not looking for something dated that looks bad, like Tron, but rather does the film remind you of a specific time period? Does watching it bring back nostalgic feelings of that period in your life? Do you smile thinking of friends you watched it with, all piled on a couch and laughing or gasping all at once? Does it still hold up after numerous years and fad changes? That’s a winner then.

F. – But it’s on cable!?!:

The cable factor is important. Before watching any film edited for television, it must pass muster with a few key questions. One, will you still watch it even though they’ve taken out any incidental nudity? Two, will you still watch it with all the possible gore/gigantic explosions removed? Three, will it still be palatable without any swears? This one is particularly important, because watching Pulp Fiction or most Kevin Smith movies on cable are exercises in futility without the curse words. Four, is it worth your time to invest 2 plus hours on a film cut up to accommodate commercial breaks. And five, if you stumble onto the film by accident, will it cause you to immediately stop surfing and settle in, no matter how far along the film is? If the answer to these questions is yes, then grab your popcorn.

G: - Rewatchability Factor:

This is key and perhaps the most important criteria of them all. You’ve seen the movie, you know the characters, the story, the plot twists, everything. But were they intriguing enough to watch them over and over? Sometimes, yes and other times, well, once was more than enough.

Now without further ado I present….

The Top Twenty

20. - Con Air – Super cheesy, lots of action, a great that guy in Colm Meaney and some decent quotes. But Nicholas Cage’s terrible straggly wig and weird accent detracts after multiple viewings.

19. – Twister – Ultra cheese factor, with more than a few oh come on! moments (think flying cows), plus an unknown Phillip Seymour Thomas, who I’m sure does not include this on his resume. But the big question remains, did this kill Helen Hunt’s career?

18. - Castaway – Great film, a Tom Hanks gem but not much happens. While worth viewing, the film loses points due to its length without commercials thus increasing your time commitment. Plus I tend to find myself doing other things when it’s on, relegating it to the background until he escapes the island. Although it gets an A for quotes with “WILSON I’M SORRY!”

17. – Independence Day – Wooden acting and excellent special effects rule this flick. Great secondary actors with Brent Spiner as the wacky scientist and Judd Hirsch as the cranky Jewish dad steal and chew scenes one after another. But watching a Mac laptop, before the internet really exploded, suddenly able to connect to an alien host computer drops this film fast.

16. - The Rock – This film has almost everything, and one can even live without some of the action and cursing. But it’s a bit too cheesy, and too unbelievable. Who really believes a nerdy Cage is winning a hand to hand fight with a marine? Plus, after a while it loses its power in multiple viewings. Although Sean Connery does chew the scenery with aplomb.

15. – Steel Magnolias – A film worth watching just for Olympia Dukakis alone. She seems to be on the inside of a joke the entire film, but we never really know what it is. Unfortunately it kind of falls apart at the very end and occasionally makes you think, didn’t Terms of Endearment do this better? No matter, anyone would give their eye teeth to take a whack at Weezer.

14. - Old School - Hilarity ensues with this great R rated comedy. Toning it down for cable viewing hurts it tremendously, despite a plethora of quotable lines. Most notably the opening wedding scene with an edited The Dan Band takes the humor out of that entire scene. But Vince Vaughn still translates well. And it’s still worth watching Jeremy Piven and Craig Kilborn get theirs in the end. You’re my boy, Blue!

13. – Apollo 13 – Hmmm, Tom Hanks again, is that a theme here? Excellent with reminding of a time period, portraying 1970’s America when the space program had relevancy. Plus despite knowing the outcome, I still get nervous when they go past the 3 minute mark for communication blackout. And, it has Clint Howard, although by now he’s past that guy status.

12. - Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion – Ok, I’m a total sucker for this movie. Sorvino and Kudrow crack me up every time and Alan Cumming is fantastic as the uber successful nerd who still loves Michele. Plus, I’m sure everyone can relate to being dissed, and wishing to show up, the A crowd. Although lack of quotability does hurt the film.

11. - Caddyshack – Almost too easy to pick this one. Wickedly funny, great cast and a tornado of a supporting role by Rodney Dangerfield land this film on the list. This film gave us thankfully Back to School, and unfortunately Lady Bugs, thanks to Dangerfield’s stellar work. But it loses points over the years thanks to everyone quoting it all the time, anywhere. The line, “It’s in the hole!” takes away from the movie when nimrods use it on a mini golf course. And yes, I am one of the nimrods to blame for that.

10. - Wedding Crashers – Yeah, I know, it suffers the same fate as Old School regarding language and nudity, which drops it to this spot on the list. But Vince Vaughn is a tour de force, and Bradley Cooper plays such a fantastic jerk you cheer when he gets slugged at the end. And Jane Seymour? Meow! I’ll call her kitty cat any day.

9. – The Fugitive – Who would have thought this film based on a forgotten TV show would be so good? Great rewatchability factor, some good quotes, and Tommy Lee Jones just stealing this movie right out from under lead star Harrison Ford.

8. – Die Hard – Great film and reinvented the action genre by steering away from super buff guys to your everyday guy, Bruce Willis. But the cable factor kills it. It’s not the same with some of the action and swears removed. Quotability is super high, but once again some of the best lines contain curse words. Plus increasingly ridiculous sequels watered down the original.

7. – Predator – Now how can a cheesy action film from the 80’s that features two future governors not be on this list? It’s difficult to watch this film without getting splashed by the testosterone that gushes from this flick. There’s not too much swearing to take out, and the action holds up well. This movie was so good; they’re still making bad sequels.

6. – The Goonies – If you were a kid who had a vivid imagination, you played out this movie in your back yard long before it hit theaters, only missing the gemstones at the end. Who didn’t want to be a goonie afterward? Plus, it has a young Josh Brolin! Sloth love Chunk!

5. – Red Dawn – This film has every quality you could want from a rewatchable movie, especially a high cheese factor and super dated (I mean come on, most people under 22 have no idea what the Cold War was!). But it now makes me sad to watch, since I fear what horror the impending remake will wreak upon the memory of the original. RIP Jed. WOLVERINES!

4. - The Shawshank Redemption – This movie is almost too good to be on this list, as I always watch it if I find it. But that’s rewatchability for you. The one thing going against it, is that watching it on cable and then unedited, can almost feel like two different movies. I didn’t think some of the content had that big an impact until I caught it recently on a movie channel. Still worth watching, though.

3. – True Lies – Action, comedy, touching family drama all wrapped up into two hours of cheesy fun. This film has just about everything, but only a few super memorable quotes. But it did one thing no one thought possible, it gave Tom Arnold a career, since he nailed every scene. I still don’t think he’s been as entertaining, or funny, since.

2. – The Karate Kid - I know, doesn’t this fall into the same remake category of Red Dawn? It could, but the original was so good, even a terrible remake, and an awful third sequel with Hillary Swank, cannot detract from this film. It has just about everything. A brash Ralph Macchio, a young and adorable Elizabeth Shue as the romantic interest, Pat Morita knocking it out of the park and of course the immortal Billy Zabka! Zabka alone, as the ultra arrogant Johnny, is worth your two hours. You want Daniel-son to kick his fanny. And when he realizes at the end his sensei is wrong, you feel good he turned to Daniel’s side after the match. Cheese factor? High. Quotability? Please, who doesn’t respond to “Sweep the leg” or “Wax on, Wax off”? And the entire movie makes you think 1980’s. This film would easily be number one, but was narrowly edged out by….

1. - Forrest Gump – This film literally has it all, packed in to a time frame spanning the 50’s through the 80’s. The supporting cast is stellar with Robin Wright Penn and Gary Sinese plus a wonderful Sally Field. Mykelti Williamson shows up before anyone knew who he was, and admit it, when you see him now the first thing you say is, it’s Bubba! Age is no factor for this film, since it reminds the viewer of EVERY time period. Quotability? Please! This film is stocked full. Almost every line is quotable. The cable factor? This film feels like it was made to be shown repeatedly on cable. Rewatchability? Oh, out of the park, since I always put the remote down when I find this gem. Each time you watch you find something new, especially cheesiness. I mean come on, no reporter trying to interview Forrest on his cross country run has done any research to figure out this gardener is also the same Forrest Gump who’s a college football All American, Vietnam war hero and Congressional Medal of Honor winner, international ping pong celebrity and ultra successful business man who started a shrimping empire and a gazillionaire? Just like in the film, Forrest comes out on top again, without even trying just by being Forrest Gump.